Catholic Ponderer

I’m much like the little girl in this photo: I have taken all precautions and now I’m just waiting for the dip - My swim across the Tiber is getting closer and closer.

I met Father I.F. yesterday. He is such a wonderful man. It was the second last RCIA meeting and I have grown much attached to these meetings, but I feel ready to move on. I still have so much to learn but it is time for another form, a new phase.

After the class I stayed for a while and we discussed the practical things, like paperwork; as usual I have a hard time getting the paperwork done. I don’t know why I always have to do everything in the last minute… Well he said it shouldn’t be an obstacle anyway. I got most of the papers I need and still got a good chance at getting it all in time.

The service will be held at 5 p.m. June the twelfth - so I’m almost there now. I can almost touch it.

We set up a date for the general confession. I’m very happy for it but it makes me think a lot of my previous sins though, and that is kind of depressing. Its forty two years of a quite sinful life. There are some heavy regrets there which I haven’t thought of for a long time. Why have I lived the life as I have? Why did I have to do all those bad choices? How much have I hurt people around me? How much have I hurt God?

And how lucky I am to have found this path to tread, I don’t give thanks enough. What wonderful people I meet. It is such a strange feeling: I’m both very happy and kind of sad at the same time.

It’s a closure.

Mothers day is celbrated on different days throughout the world. In US and Germany for instance they celebrate it on the second Sunday in May. In Great Britain and Ireland the fourth Sunday in Lent.

In Sweden however we celebrate it today (which of course is the right and proper day). So here’s a song to all you moms out there, from all of us dads here in Sweden.

My exam is done. As usual I probably wont get the highest grade. I’m not really good at learning things by heart, still I guess I passed the exam. I answered all the questions. It was very good answers too. perhaps not the most accurate. But still - pretty good answers. I used Lehmans laws on software evolution, discussed Chapin view on predelivery maintenance as maintenace with particular properties and I stated that if you agree with Chapin you must also agree with Kajko-Mattsons view of predelivery maintenance: Pre- and postdelivery maintenance occurs simultaneous in between the releases.

Sad to say, there was no question that asked just that.

Now I have to study C#. I neglected it the past week.

Some site has ha questionnaire that supposedly specify which inner color you are. A bestiary with colors instead of animals I thought¹. Great idea. I must admit I do not really understand colors and here was my chance to get one of my own.

So here’s my third meme: My inner color. A week ago I didn’t even know what a meme was. Now I feel just like home. I got challenged by Freddie - a friar with lovely feet² - to do this one.

(Freddie’s feet)

He himself got the best color a man of God can have³, according to the site’s specification the color blue stands for a person who got a “natural warmth and intuition” He “nurtures those around you“. He is “accepting“. He feel the “ need to help others“. He is a great “nurse, psychologist, or counselor” and more like that. So full of anticipation⁴ I did the test hoping to get the same color.

I didn’t.

What’s Your Inner Color?

I know my friend Leah doesn’t really got anything to do at work⁵, so here is something for her to pass the time: I tag you Leah!

¹ Okay, I didn’t really think that. It wouldn’t have made much sense if I did. It was just an excuse to have the wonderful elephant picture in this post. Sorry.

² However this is true.

³ This too.

⁴ This is, perhaps, not perfectly according to the truth.

⁵ Neither is this.

I just remembered a recipe which is perfect for a romantic evening. It’s very easy and doesn’t take a lot of time or effort. Instead you can spend time with your friend.

Select a big globe artichoke. Cut of the stem as close to the globe as you can. Remove discolored buds. Boil the artichoke with some slices of lemon in salted water until the buds easily come off (about 45 minutes depending on size).

Serve the whole artichoke on one plate. You’re not going to eat the garnish so be creative. Sprinkle with a dash of lemon juice. Dim the lights.

When you eat, you break off the buds and eat with your fingers. Just dip the buds in butter and suck out the pulp. It’s truly delicious.

It’s perfect as a romantic dinner - with a glass of white wine, by candlelight and J.J. Cale on the stereo!

I’ve been tagged by Ginny for another meme: Fav movies and 21 words that describe me.

The interesting thing about meme’s is that you get to know peculiar things about your friends and you get to know them a little better. So it is much more interesting to read meme’s by people you already know. If Orvar Smussenhyssen likes to read Jackie Collins or not, is only interesting if you know who he is. So when it comes to tagging friends for memes one should tag people who everybody knows, but before anyone else tagged them.

I found such a blogger.

Then of course it’s important to show off how many friends you have that nobody else knows, but you know are very likeable. This is a tricky part, because those who read your blog tends to get to know each another. And those of your friends who doesn’t read your blog, will probably never know they’ve been tagged.

Well I found a blogger who doesn’t read my blog but still responded to my tag!

And then it is also important not to forget anybody. I know of at least one poor woman who is just dying to get to mention her favorite books, but no one tags her. Imagine the agony this poor woman has to cope!!!!

Here are ten of my fav movies. Listed in no order:

1. Life of Brian by Monty Python. If I weren’t Christian I would have been a Brianic
2. The Meaning of life by Monty Python, because the wonderful scene with a lot of catholic kids singing.
3. La strada by Fellini
4. Intervista (and almost all other films by Fellini)
5. Rocky by Stallone. (Cause he’s so cool)
6. The African queen, by Huston
7. Mirror by Andrei Tarkovsky.
8 The Passion of Christ, by Gibson
9. Romantic Comedies. They are all good on certain occasions.
10 …. Ok. I got a good but very short memory. I can’t remember any more titles right now. Sorry.

And 21 words (“&” doesn’t count as a word, does it?) that describes me:

More kind & considerate than I appear in real life. Doesn’t dwell. Chooses my own way, even if others chose the same.

So after much consideration here are the perfect tags: I tag Gypsy (and if she want’s this is a tag for the book meme as well: Gypsy#2) And then my good friend Leah, who was so kind to respond on the last meme.

Now I have to return to my studies. I have a big exam on Saturday.

The Good Soldier Švejk

Well I have been tagged by Paula for some book recommendations. There was some really interesting literature there. I mostly appreciate litterature that makes the most of the language. Sadly this means that most of it can’t really be translated to other language’s. Well, here is my attempt, anyhow:

Three non-fiction books everyone should read:
The faith explained, by Leo J Trese A wonderful book, with extensive, in depth, explanations of the Catholic faith. It explain in a very pedagogic manner topics such as Grace, the Trinity, the Creation and so on and so forth. The Nineteenth century Sonnet by Joseph Phelan A detailed account of the revival of the sonnet during the Victorian epoch. Scholasticism by Josef Pieper A great introduction for us that do not know to much about the Scholastic thinkers.

Three works of fiction that everyone should read:
Poems by Gerard Manley Hopkins Because they are divine. The Christmas Oratorio by Göran Tunström A good reading tip for those interested in Sweden. A very poetic book. The Good Soldier Švejk by Jaroslav Hašek Because it makes you smile.

Three authors everyone should read:
August Strindberg. His prose is as interesting as his plays. The book black banners is a settlement with the cultural elite of his time, but it works just as fine today. Franz Kafka. Because even despair can be funny. Gunnar Björlin Well you would have to learn Swedish to read this author - but it’s totally worth it!

Three books that nobody should read:
There are to many of them, but Sara Lidman, a famous Swedish author once gave me this tip on how to determine if you should read a book or not: Open the book in three places and read three lines at each place. Two out of three got to be interesting if the book should be worth the effort. - Than she picked up her then latest book, the stone of Nabot, and tried it. First she didn’t pass it, and then she gave her a second chance and passed the test.

So I tag the following bloggers, if you do find the time that is: Marie and Ginny, Leah, Therese, Zach, and all the ladies at dcf ladies blogring

The very first time I visited a Catholic mass the reading of the day was when the Lord calls Samuel, from the first book of the Kings. Samuel was only a child, and he kept running to Heli each time he heard the voice of God.

And the Lord called Samuel. And he answered: Here am I. And he ran to Heli and said: Here am I: for thou didst call me. He said: I did not call: go back and sleep. And he went and slept.

I was sitting as far back in the Church as I could, feeling both uncomfortable and curious at the same time. I was trying not to stick out to much. Standing up, sitting down, and hoping no one would notice me. I felt misplaced, even unworthy.

And the Lord called Samuel again. And Samuel arose and went to Heli, and said: Here am I: for thou calledst me. He answered: I did not call thee, my son: return and sleep. Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord, neither had the word of the Lord been revealed to him.

I started to get the feeling that someone knew I was listening. That someone saw me there in the back, in the old parts of the church, with the hard wooden pews and the great wooden Madonna. Not anyone in the congregation, they where all in front of me. Nor the priests, I was too far in the back.

And the Lord called Samuel again the third time. And he arose up and went to Heli. And said: Here am I: for thou didst call me.

I was listening intensively.

Then Heli understood that the Lord called the child, and he said to Samuel: Go, and sleep: and if he shall call thee any more, thou shalt say: Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth. So Samuel went and slept in his place.

I had not, truly, been to a church since my confirmation (into the Swedish Lutheran Church) when I was 14 - almost 30 years ago. Later I have of course attended weddings and funerals and so forth, but never as a believer, and never at a Catholic church. It was very awkward for me: - Me, a Christian??? It can’t be!!! And still there I was, of my own free will, in a church, feeling the presence of God.

And the Lord came and stood: and he called, as he had called the other times: Samuel, Samuel. And Samuel said: Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.

There it was:

Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.

I was overwhelmed. It was as the whole reading for the day was directed solely towards me.

Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.

This was what I had moving towards all my life, without knowing it. A year earlier I had started to read a little about the history of Roman Catholic Church, mostly to better understand some references in a book - than in search for a faith… Then one book lead to another. I found a forum for Catholic converts on the Internet, who helped me a lot with my questions, but it was here, in the back of St Erik’s Church in Stockholm, on a wooden bench, my year long investigation ended up and transformed into belief.

Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.

There I was ready to listen to him, however strange it seemed to me, what ever my friends and relatives would think. I was ready to listen.

In fact, ever since then, more than a year ago, this is what I have devoted myself to do. Probably I’m not all that good at it, but this is solely the most important thing in my life:

- Learning to listen.

St. Erik’s Catholic Church, “Katolska domkyrkan” in Stockholm.
In mid January 2006 I sat on one of the back rows on the left side.

It’s midnight. Finally I’m home. Been studying all day and in the evening me and a friend was interviewing a programmer in a quite large and well known company.

For the moment though he was working as a consult for a company that would be perfect for our thesis next year. We talked a little about if he thought it would be possible for us to conduct a research there next year, and it didn’t seem impossible. Great.

Afterwards I drove the poor (and very kind) interviewee home and we ended up discussing poetry for almost an hour. I think that it was the similarity between refactoring code and writing poetry that got us started. Seems like we got pretty similar ideas about art and literature. Must be years since last that happened…

Sometimes it’s a really nice feeling to be tired: It’s been a good day.

I’m supposed to be really high tech, I know things and stuff about ubiquitous computing, about transfer protocols and computer and software standards…

But I’m still puzzled by the simplest things, like making friends all over the world from just the push of a button and a common faith. I can talk to people in Australia, US, Europe, Asia.

Isn’t that really strange?

I can sit here in my rented apartment in Gubbängen outside of Stockholm and write this and people thousands of miles away can see it. In a matter of seconds.

I have never traveled a lot, the few times I did I’m just overwhelmed by the fact that all these people doesn’t live in Sweden. They don’t even speak Swedish.

On a Catholic forum I’m a member of (DCF) there’s this young Australian girl, who write long posts in English. When I was at her age all I could say was: “A cat, a dog, a lot of birds” (but I could say that phrase really really well -I even knew what most of it meant.)

I know it’s silly. I know that of course she can speak English because that is her language. I know most people in the world are brought up in a different culture than I was. I know living in Texas isn’t that exotic if you were raised there. But still, I’m such a child, it amazes me.

Now with the Internet and all, I meet people each and every day. My last acquaintance is a woman, Paula, from Germany (She speaks German!!! You know, they do that in Germany, amazing) who kindly welcomed me to the blog community. She has two blogs (in English) here at wordpress.com, an important blog about the Victims of the Romanian Gulag. Please pray for all of those who suffered from the communist regime and especially those who died.

Her other blog is a very poetic one with beautiful pictures. It’s called Receiving Light. Pay a visit, you will like it.